On Father’s Day & Headbutts

My 5-year-old daughter, R, receives weekly counseling appointments. Recently, I was waiting for her appointment to finish up when she finally appeared holding a piece of paper embellished with her writing and drawings. 

“An anger menu?” I read. 

Yes. The counsellor explained that it is a list of options for when R feels angry.

See, unlike many other 5 year olds you might know, R has some legitimate reasons to feel angry. Particularly around this time of year. And the real reason only hit me last week when I was being hit, quit literally, by R’s head. You know, one of those random headbutts.  This one took me completely unaware. 

I had paused for a few minutes in my usual housework scramble to watch a clip of an interview with American Authors. So enthralled was I in watching this cute band (have you seen the video for Best Day of My Life? Adorable!) that I was caught completely off guard by the sharp burst of pain in my upper right thigh. Yes, my charming daughter R had put her head down and run head long into my leg. And I can assure you, her head is very big and very hard. Ouch. 

“Ahhh!!!! Why did you do that?” 

This was all I could muster for several minutes before the parenting brain kicked in. I was completely stumped as to why this child of mine, who was completely happy and content just a moment before, had suddenly turned into a monst- I mean....slightly violent. 

It took me several hours to figure it out. Father’s Day. Of course she was angry, Father’s Day was due to arrive in a few days and there has likely been talk of it all week at school. So of course she is sad, confused and angry. Because she does not have a father or, at least, not one that is well enough to have any contact with her.

Naturally, I was relieved to see that anger was discussed this week in her counseling session. Hopefully the anger menu does not have a “headbutt your mother” option or at least that option won’t be explored again until my bruises have a chance to heal. Because I’m just a believer that things will get better....