Thursday, May 28, 2015

6 Tell-Tail Signs That You are in a Parenting Fail

The following may be signs that you are in the midst of a parenting fail:

1. You have no idea where your child is. You fear she has been stolen by an unsavoury individual with even more unsavoury intentions. She is hiding in the closet just to piss you off. This all happens about 2 minutes before the school bell is set to ring

2. Your child attempts to bite, scratch and kick you.

3. In your attempt to physically drag your child into the school building where you plan to abandon all knowledge of this child and her emotional distress, your other child clings to your legs until she falls over and starts to cry.

4. Your morning ends with an irate email to the recycling authority explaining to them to stop being such assholes by expecting recycling to be at the curb by an ungodly hour -  before any human being should reasonably be expected to accomplish anything people!!

5. You plan to do better tomorrow.

6. You crave a donut. Badly. Or better yet, a cronut.

Friday, May 22, 2015

Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Today, I must pause from regaling you all with nightmarish tales of the worst of parenting to let off some steam on an issue that has been bothering me.

It has become apparent to me in the past year or so that because of my status as a single-mom, the world views me differently than I view myself. While I see myself as an intelligent, skilled and resourceful person who is well-educated and possessing some solid and impressive accomplishments in the workplace, someone who does important work in the world and is head to doing even greater things - other people do not see this.

Instead, assumptions are made, based solely on my gender, that I am not on a career-track. That I would rather be in my home than in the workplace. That I would rather be spending every moment of every day with my children rather than out in the world, following my passions to make a difference. And I understand that for many women, this might be true and there is truly nothing to be faulted if someone sees their place in the world in those terms. But this is not me and I am starting to feel angry at the need for other people to place me in this category, based on many gendered assumptions about my career-potential, my desire to do important work and my dedication to my career. Because I know that if I was a man and a single-dad, these assumptions would never be made and I would never find myself fin the awkward position of convincing other people that I do, in fact, have a career.

Believe it or not, this woman wants to rule the world (or some small part of it). And maybe she will not always be doing it in stain-free professional attire and maybe she will occasionally be doing it with a pancake batter set hair-style or with heavy bags under her eyes due to the impact of the latest-flu bug sweeping through the school system, but make no mistake that this woman is going places. So do not limit her with your assumptions or you will be left behind.

That is all.

Saturday, May 9, 2015

SWF in search of...Chaos.

It is impossible to control all variables when it comes to parenting. For women who have achieved previous success by planning ahead and pushing themselves hard, this chaos can be difficult to accept.*

Yes.

I read this and I am relieved as I realize IT ISN'T ME.

I wonder, though, in those chaotic moments when I hear the words, "Mama, I peed on the floor" when I find myself chasing my 6 year-old-down in the front yard, my pyjama choices on display for all the neighbours and passing randos to witness, when the local auto-service station comes to my home to deal with the latest vehicle crisis for the second time in as many months, (key locked in the car anyone? dead battery because your child turn in the interior light on when you weren't looking? these mean different things when you're single AND have kids) when every week seems to bring another physical ailment (take your pick from an assortment of infections, flus, muscle and nerve pain). No wonder my physiotherapist explained that my nervous system needs to calm the fuck down.

I love my girls and I love my life, but Chaos lives here too and sometimes he can be pretty rude. And a little hard to take for this incessant perfectionist.

I started writing this while my girls were eating pizza off the same unwashed plates they ate their breakfast toast off because a busy week preparing for a job interview (that I bombed big time) meant no clean dishes by week's end. But next time I am woken up by the sound of my children committing sororicide** over the last yogurt cup, I will just accept that Chaos will always be part of this package.





*From Sheryl Sandberg's book "Lean in: Women, Work and the Will to Lead". Essential reading for all women and anyone who knows one.
**The act of killing one's sister.